Sunday, 8 March 2009

Monkey pleasures

Sometimes I glance at the stats page just to see how many lost souls have accidentally stumbled onto my worthless excuse for a blog. Usually more than I'd expect, due to quirky search results.

Some of the search strings can be puzzling and/or educational. The "secret agent" variants I can understand given the blog's oddball name and my webcomic, but the others...? No idea. I have never, for example, written about nor once thought about naked priests (honest!) or monkey pleasures for that matter:

long gloves nose ring
Webcomic agents
british intelligence academy
secret intelligent agent
naked priests
wot is a secret agent
you got monkey pleasures we got intelligence forces
Stutmann family history
poor moderation dpaterso
a cigarette out on his
breast smothering fiction female agents
foolproof agent not eat
what do you call the british intelligence
mark anthony brennan
permanent cuffs
how do you get chosen for a tap on the shoulder british intelligence
agent british
peter grigor welding
derek paterson subatomic
tiny opaque insects in my floorboards
How to become a secret agent or intelligence sites
her girlfriend is locked in a cage gaged and cuffed
defunct british agents
agent jewelry europa
nope not a lick of intelligence found on the planet
how to fight like a secret agent
British intelligence officer kept human skull on his desk
secret agent web comic
howard penrose wiki
secret agent wages
O'Neil De Noux blog
barefeet corpse sheet
knockout (blow), cleave gag, rope, hands behind, ankles together, carrying
British intelligence priorities
How to be an agent of British Intelligence
secret agent earphone
double or quits bet
agent in Intelligence
outline of the Burgermeister's daughter
story of an Irish secret agent on the case of a gang of assassins and femme fetales
british story writer a secret agent
the gesture of parting your nose by forefinger of BRITISH
where to buy secret agent earphones
crest british secret
absolute write water cooler derek
harley can't swallow peter north's load
how to make a british sheepskin backpack
duck feather pastry brush
portable advanced intelligence x-ray vision sunglasses
british flag stilettos
is the payment of change at chalkey wood noted on an intelligence camera
swashbuckler webcomic
i would like to be a secret agent teenager

Keep searching. The truth is out there.


Sophia said...

Creepy! And I'm guessing there are maybe worse ones not listed. *shudder* My LJ entries should be blocked from Google, and most trackers don't work due to lack of Java support, but things like this make me think that if I ever saw deliberate search queries leading to me I'd be too creeped out to ever post anything again!

OT: more Crowbar, please. Future Kenzie's been sitting in front of that door for weeks!

Derek said...

Heh, I don't see it as creepy -- it's really just bytes falling into random order. I should imagine most accidental tourists glance at my blog once with acute disinterest then quickly move on hoping to find what they're looking for elsewhere (monkeys, or naked priests, or naked monkey priests). As opposed to that funny woman who parks opposite my house all day and watches me through binoculars.

No one reads Crowbar! Or ever posts comments to even suggest they might be reading it! Just kidding! Maybe. :) Crowbar's actually up next, BQ got a bit more attention and 4 updates this week after a couple of requests from ne'er-do-wells, and to push towards the end of the sequence.

Worry not! Kenzie will be back!

elarasophia said...

After I posted, it occurred to me that the creepy aspect was a minor one compared to the sheer bizarreness, and one unlikely to bother you in the least!

I read Crowbar! Carefully! It's always a good laugh. :) Today, you had the use of walls blocking signals in both it and BQ. This is the sort of thing I notice. :D Also, re today's BQ, should be "All we have to do *is* win control of this freighter".

I think a naked monkey priest is a Yuki character waiting to happen.

Derek said...

An unfortunate coincidence with walls blocking signals! If I hadn't pushed ahead of schedule with BQ this week then the out-of-radio-contact plot device wouldn't have appeared until next month!

...Tho' technically speaking :) Gorgo is just speculating why he isn't receiving radio traffic, he doesn't know what happened to the cyborgs deeper in the pyramid. OK that's stretching suspension of disbelief a tad. But I almost wriggled out of it.

Your powers of clairvoyance are uncanny, I've been modelling a new priest character for S.P. Yuki, no kiddin', AND you knew Kenzie was up next in Crowbar. Now *that's* creepy, don't you think?! :) Or maybe you just guessed the next character cycle. Either way, pretty good.

Thanks for catching the typo, I've ordered metal Tleilaxu eyes that will never wear out, unlike mine!

elarasophia said...

I also pick Grand National winners!

Glad to hear the next story sequences are worked out. Looking forward to seeing them! :)

Kathy said...

How does one get a Stats page? I have no idea how many people peruse my blog.

By the way, Derek, I scrapped one of my possible entries for the AW Animal story contest. (speaking of monkeys) It was called They Made a Flying Monkey Out of Me.

Lara said...

This is hilarious!

I get more random hits to my blog from the search phrases "Aunt's Knickers" and "subterranean swimming pool" than any others.

Your list is waaaay better!

Derek said...

I'm still collecting them. In the lead at the moment are variations of "breast smothering" -- evidently a favorite method employed by fiendish female assassins. I must move in the wrong circles!