Sometimes I glance at the stats page just to see how many lost souls have accidentally stumbled onto my worthless excuse for a blog. Usually more than I'd expect, due to quirky search results.
Some of the search strings can be puzzling and/or educational. The "secret agent" variants I can understand given the blog's oddball name and my webcomic, but the others...? No idea. I have never, for example, written about nor once thought about naked priests (honest!) or monkey pleasures for that matter:
long gloves nose ring
Webcomic agents
british intelligence academy
secret intelligent agent
naked priests
wot is a secret agent
you got monkey pleasures we got intelligence forces
Stutmann family history
poor moderation dpaterso
a cigarette out on his
breast smothering fiction female agents
foolproof agent not eat
what do you call the british intelligence
mark anthony brennan
ROBOT CLEANER BURER
permanent cuffs
how do you get chosen for a tap on the shoulder british intelligence
agent british
peter grigor welding
derek paterson subatomic
tiny opaque insects in my floorboards
How to become a secret agent or intelligence sites
her girlfriend is locked in a cage gaged and cuffed
defunct british agents
agent jewelry europa
nope not a lick of intelligence found on the planet
how to fight like a secret agent
British intelligence officer kept human skull on his desk
secret agent web comic
howard penrose wiki
secret agent wages
O'Neil De Noux blog
barefeet corpse sheet
knockout (blow), cleave gag, rope, hands behind, ankles together, carrying
British intelligence priorities
drubber
sudlanders
How to be an agent of British Intelligence
secret agent earphone
double or quits bet
agent in Intelligence
outline of the Burgermeister's daughter
story of an Irish secret agent on the case of a gang of assassins and femme fetales
british story writer a secret agent
the gesture of parting your nose by forefinger of BRITISH
olee
where to buy secret agent earphones
crest british secret
absolute write water cooler derek
harley can't swallow peter north's load
how to make a british sheepskin backpack
duck feather pastry brush
portable advanced intelligence x-ray vision sunglasses
british flag stilettos
is the payment of change at chalkey wood noted on an intelligence camera
swashbuckler webcomic
i would like to be a secret agent teenager
Keep searching. The truth is out there.
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Written by Derek Paterson & Deric Olsen
Winner Best Director - Deric Olsen
2007 Alberta Film & Television Awards
(Drama Over 60 Minutes)
Trailer + stills
imdb.com
Amazon
An elite international antiterrorist group must stop an unknown enemy from releasing a lethal toxin into the North American ecosystem.
DVD release: Nov 2007
Resting between dangerous world-saving missions, the confidential musings of the operative known only by his code-name of Double-Oh-Oh-Oh, licensed to thrill, passion magnet to femme fatales everywhere. Or not.
Contents:
1 Retinal scan
2 My webcomics!
3 My old AOL webpage
4 Nostalgia Trips
5 The Phoenix Agenda
6 Blog links
7 Writing & Screenwriting
8 IMPs SF/F writing group
9 Fiction reviews
10 Blog entries
11 Family photos
12 You, boy!
2 My webcomics!
3 My old AOL webpage
4 Nostalgia Trips
5 The Phoenix Agenda
6 Blog links
7 Writing & Screenwriting
8 IMPs SF/F writing group
9 Fiction reviews
10 Blog entries
11 Family photos
12 You, boy!
1 · RETINAL SCAN INITIATED
A recent Internet search via Google for "Derek Paterson" produced 4,890,000+ hits. This was quite a surprise to someone who thought he was unique down to the subatomic level. This version of me lives in Scotland, UK, and writes Science Fiction, Fantasy (the gory kind), adventure and crime fiction. I've had a few short stories published and am working on a veritable plethora of novels and screenplays. Mind you, I've been saying that for years.
2 - My webcomics!
3 - My old AOL webpage
...has been resurrected, since it had a few things there that I was always looking for. Fortunately I had all the HTML files and graphics saved on my hard drive, since they would have otherwise have been lost when AOL pulled the plug on its members' Hometown pages.
Here be the link
Here be the link
4 - Nostalgia Trips
...I had a list of links to old stories here, which were pretty scattered around various websites. There's a less flaky list on my web page
5 · THE PHOENIX AGENDA
Written by Derek Paterson & Deric Olsen
Winner Best Director - Deric Olsen
2007 Alberta Film & Television Awards
(Drama Over 60 Minutes)
Trailer + stills
imdb.com
Amazon
An elite international antiterrorist group must stop an unknown enemy from releasing a lethal toxin into the North American ecosystem.
DVD release: Nov 2007
6 · Blogs Wot I Read
- Bill Martell's Sex In A Submarine
- Willie Meikle's THE MIDNIGHT EYE
- JJ Cooper
- Julie Gray's The Rouge Wave
- Jim Vines' The Working Screenwriter
- Ravenlocks' I Love Koreatown in the Springtime
- Dave Bishop's Vicious Imagery
- Danny Stack's Scriptwriting & Script Reading in the UK
- English Dave's Was It Something I Wrote?
7 · Writing & Screenwriting
8 · IMPs SF/F writing group
9 · Fiction Reviews
Eugie Foster's review of Oceans of the Mind's "Colonies" issue including Paradigms at Tangent Online
"...is a charming story of self-sacrifice, heroism, and survival. The mysterious abduction of a construction drone on an Offworld Scientific Research Station leads to panicked conjecture..."§ Greg Beatty's review of Oceans of the Mind's "Industrial Solar System" issue including Made In Heaven at Tangent Online
"If I haven't given much sense of the plot, that's intentional—just read the story, and know that evil is punished, virtue rewarded, and that true love wins out."
§ Barry Hunter's review of The Vampyre's Kiss at www.baryon-online.com
"...has written another tale in an interesting series that is more thought provoking than some of the other tales being written today."
§ Linda Suzane's review of The Vampyre's Kiss at www.suite101.com
"This is a light, fast paced story, full of exciting action, sword fighting, and fair maidens to save. THE VAMPYRE’S KISS is well worth reading if you are looking for a light fantasy."
§ Christopher East's review of The Big Guy at Tangent Online
"...doesn't succeed fully as a self-contained work, relying too heavily on its source material." Bummer, dude.
§ Carol Castellanos's review of The Kaiserine's Champion at www.simegen.com
"I would definitely like to see more from this author possibly a more expanded second book."
§ Elaine DiMicco's review of The Kaiserine's Champion
"...is sure to please anyone who enjoys a swashbuckler fantasy. I highly recommend it."
§ Linda Suzane's review of The Kaiserine's Champion at www.suite101.com
"The Kaiserine's Champion is full of assassins, political intrigue, dark and dangerous spy masters, sword play, and a very honorable hero in the tradition of all the great swashbucklers."
§ Dennis Kriesel's review of Them's The Breaks
"The premiere issue of Sintrigue Dot Org (SDO) Detective offers a strong showing of fiction in the mystery and detective genres."
"...is a charming story of self-sacrifice, heroism, and survival. The mysterious abduction of a construction drone on an Offworld Scientific Research Station leads to panicked conjecture..."
"If I haven't given much sense of the plot, that's intentional—just read the story, and know that evil is punished, virtue rewarded, and that true love wins out."
"...has written another tale in an interesting series that is more thought provoking than some of the other tales being written today."
"This is a light, fast paced story, full of exciting action, sword fighting, and fair maidens to save. THE VAMPYRE’S KISS is well worth reading if you are looking for a light fantasy."
"...doesn't succeed fully as a self-contained work, relying too heavily on its source material." Bummer, dude.
"I would definitely like to see more from this author possibly a more expanded second book."
"...is sure to please anyone who enjoys a swashbuckler fantasy. I highly recommend it."
"The Kaiserine's Champion is full of assassins, political intrigue, dark and dangerous spy masters, sword play, and a very honorable hero in the tradition of all the great swashbucklers."
"The premiere issue of Sintrigue Dot Org (SDO) Detective offers a strong showing of fiction in the mystery and detective genres."
10 · Older posts
- Nostalgia (21)
- Fiction Feature (3)
- Warning: DIY (3)
- webcomic (3)
- News (2)
- 2013 (1)
- ComicFury (1)
- Crowbar webcomic (1)
- Done Deal (1)
- Girl Genius (1)
- Google SketchUp 3D models comics (1)
- Higher Than Usual (1)
- MARS (1)
- MIA (1)
- March Madness (1)
- New Year message (1)
- Phoenix Agenda (1)
- Red Planet Prize (1)
- Robot poetry (1)
- Secret Agent webcomic (1)
- Starship Captain (1)
- The Drabblecast (1)
- White Tiger (1)
- audio (1)
- blog update (1)
- comics (1)
- insert knob A into hole B (1)
- my exciting life (1)
- podcast (1)
- screenwriting (1)
- tradition (1)
12 · You, boy!
"What do you want to be when you grow up and leave school?"
...Answer at the top of this blog.
...Answer at the top of this blog.
What a lot of zeroes!
8 comments:
Creepy! And I'm guessing there are maybe worse ones not listed. *shudder* My LJ entries should be blocked from Google, and most trackers don't work due to lack of Java support, but things like this make me think that if I ever saw deliberate search queries leading to me I'd be too creeped out to ever post anything again!
OT: more Crowbar, please. Future Kenzie's been sitting in front of that door for weeks!
Heh, I don't see it as creepy -- it's really just bytes falling into random order. I should imagine most accidental tourists glance at my blog once with acute disinterest then quickly move on hoping to find what they're looking for elsewhere (monkeys, or naked priests, or naked monkey priests). As opposed to that funny woman who parks opposite my house all day and watches me through binoculars.
No one reads Crowbar! Or ever posts comments to even suggest they might be reading it! Just kidding! Maybe. :) Crowbar's actually up next, BQ got a bit more attention and 4 updates this week after a couple of requests from ne'er-do-wells, and to push towards the end of the sequence.
Worry not! Kenzie will be back!
After I posted, it occurred to me that the creepy aspect was a minor one compared to the sheer bizarreness, and one unlikely to bother you in the least!
I read Crowbar! Carefully! It's always a good laugh. :) Today, you had the use of walls blocking signals in both it and BQ. This is the sort of thing I notice. :D Also, re today's BQ, should be "All we have to do *is* win control of this freighter".
I think a naked monkey priest is a Yuki character waiting to happen.
An unfortunate coincidence with walls blocking signals! If I hadn't pushed ahead of schedule with BQ this week then the out-of-radio-contact plot device wouldn't have appeared until next month!
...Tho' technically speaking :) Gorgo is just speculating why he isn't receiving radio traffic, he doesn't know what happened to the cyborgs deeper in the pyramid. OK that's stretching suspension of disbelief a tad. But I almost wriggled out of it.
Your powers of clairvoyance are uncanny, I've been modelling a new priest character for S.P. Yuki, no kiddin', AND you knew Kenzie was up next in Crowbar. Now *that's* creepy, don't you think?! :) Or maybe you just guessed the next character cycle. Either way, pretty good.
Thanks for catching the typo, I've ordered metal Tleilaxu eyes that will never wear out, unlike mine!
I also pick Grand National winners!
Glad to hear the next story sequences are worked out. Looking forward to seeing them! :)
How does one get a Stats page? I have no idea how many people peruse my blog.
By the way, Derek, I scrapped one of my possible entries for the AW Animal story contest. (speaking of monkeys) It was called They Made a Flying Monkey Out of Me.
This is hilarious!
I get more random hits to my blog from the search phrases "Aunt's Knickers" and "subterranean swimming pool" than any others.
Your list is waaaay better!
I'm still collecting them. In the lead at the moment are variations of "breast smothering" -- evidently a favorite method employed by fiendish female assassins. I must move in the wrong circles!
-D
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